Mother And Son Heal Each Other When Both Discover They’re Highly Sensitive

Resources: Are you highly sensitive? Find out here.

Learn more about Sensory Processing Disorder here.

Read“The Out Of Sync Child” here and Marcia’s blog here.

Sometimes when you hear a person’s birth story it helps you understand why they are the way they are. 

Marcia Tullous was born two months premature, a tiny 3 pounds 6 ounces, and spent an entire month at the hospital with bright lights, beeping machines, and different doctors and nurses caring for her.

MARCIA: I wasn't expected to survive. So they said, baptize her, she's not gonna make it. My mom just said, ‘no, I know she's making it and I'm not doing that.’ And so I think that this highly attuned sensitive nervous system does have something to do with our experience, our beginning born, how we come into the world, …I just think that how we're born, how we come into the world shapes us. 

Marcia believes that’s partially why she’s always been extremely sensitive. She couldn’t stand shirt tags rubbing against her skin. Itchy clothes irritated her to the point of tears. Being in crowds sapped her energy. But it wasn’t just physical. She had a great ability to perceive what others were feeling.

MARCIA: I do recall as a kid being able to walk into a room and feel what was going on. I remember me going what's wrong asking my mom what's wrong? Why are you sad? So I just had a high, natural ability, I guess, to sense what was really going on with people, even though I was a kid and I wasn't supposed to maybe know those things or feel them. Yeah. Um, I just always did.  I was always able to feel what other people wanted and I would go and nurture them. Like I was always a little mother hen, uh, from the time I was young.

Her empathic abilities worked with people as well as animals. She’d frequently bring home an abandoned cat, or stray dog, or an injured bird.

MARCIA: If I saw any kind of animal hurting or, you know, any kind of suffering or pain, I would feel that like, it was my own. I think it's also made me have a deep affinity and appreciation for all forms of beauty, nature, art, music. 

So nature became her refuge.

MARCIA: When other kids went to go play soccer on the field, I would go to this great big tree when I went to elementary school in Colorado Springs and I would collect seed pods and grasses and things, and it had this like natural root bowl and I would go over there and make my little concoctions and sit by myself.

At times her sensitivity has been difficult to manage but she’s come to see it as a gift.

MARCIA: I feel what people are trying to say even if they don't say it. I think it makes me a more compassionate person.

So when Marcia had a son with similar tendencies she knew it was her job to be his guide. This is a story of how the two of them learned to navigate a world that can be difficult and downright hostile to highly sensitive people. 

This is 2 Lives. I’m Laurel Morales.

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Marcia recalls her 20s as a decade of total freedom. She got a dog, worked at a coffee shop and discovered a love for yoga. When she wasn’t making lattes or rolling out her yoga mat, she was exploring the trails of northern Arizona, where she lived.

MARCIA: I guess that time I think it just allowed me to really immerse myself in like hiking and exploring and just wandering the woods or going to Sedona and searching out some new trail. It gave me a sense of empowerment and satisfaction. I think it just opened that world up for me and I, I haven't left it. I think that was probably one of the, the most healing times in my life actually. 

As a highly sensitive person Marcia was able to get the quiet, solo time she needed to face the world. 

Psychologist Elaine Aron coined the term Highly Sensitive Person or HSP to describe someone with sensory processing sensitivity or displays increased emotional sensitivity, stronger reactivity to both external and internal stimuli.

Highly sensitive people tend to be more in tune with their environment, which makes them deeply committed and intuitive, but that hyper attunement can be draining.

It was at that Flagstaff coffee shop where she met Jason Tullous, a professional mountain bike racer. They were just co workers until Jason asked Marcia to go on a bike ride. He showed up wearing a helmet, gloves, and special shoes that clipped into his pedals.

MARCIA: I opened the door and he says, are you wearing that? I happened to be wearing jeans, tennis shoes, and a long sleeve shirt to go mountain biking. Cause I didn't know. And uh, and he’s like, do you have a helmet? I said, no. He said, I'll be right back. He went and got me a helmet. I proceeded to follow him up some dirt roads and follow him as far as I could until I was like, okay, I'm probably gonna die if I attempt that.

JASON: I was a professional so I think my view of certain trails was a little bit different than the normal person so I was like we’re just doing this easy ride. And she rode everything.

Jason was kind and graceful, and Marcia became smitten. 

After a few years dating the two got married and when Marcia was 32 she discovered she was pregnant.

MARCIA: I loved it. I felt great. I just marveled at the whole thing and, um, I was really fortunate. I didn't get sick or feel sick at all. And I just, I felt good in my body. It wasn't like weird to me. It was a total joy.

Everyone told her birth would be so easy because she did yoga. But on the day her son Liam was born he became stuck and Marcia wound up needing a cesarean or c-section. 

MARCIA: That was very difficult because that's not what I envisioned or hoped for. So it was disappointing. Then when Liam arrived, one of the things they didn't tell me right away, but his lower half stayed blue. He was pinking up on the upper half, but the lower half was staying blue. And what they discovered is that he had something called a coarctation, which is a narrowing in the aorta.

The medical team whisked him off right away and discovered Liam had a congenital heart defect. 

MARCIA: And then they wheeled me off into a dark quiet, uh, recovery room alone. And I just balled my eyes out because I see it still makes me emotional, even though, you know, I've come a long way. Um, because I felt like I failed him. Um, I failed to protect him and I just thought, oh, I just didn't want him to be brought into the world that way. I wanted him to have a peaceful beginning…and you know, it's, it's a big trauma. Nobody talks about that. 

They told Marcia they needed to fly Liam to a bigger hospital to operate on his tiny heart.

MARCIA: And I said, well, you better release me early cuz I'm not staying here...It's hard to move because you feel like you've been hit by a truck with a C-section. And I had to immediately go and jump into like kind of a crisis mode because they were gonna have to operate. 

The surgeon planned to create enough space in his aorta for blood to flow through. When they opened Liam up to work on his tiny heart, they discovered he also had five aortic arteries instead of the usual three. After 12 days in the NICU, the doctor finally sent him home with Marcia and Jason.

MARCIA: It was hard. It took seven weeks to establish breastfeeding and I cried like every day. 

Liam had a really tough beginning and it’s taken Marcia a long time to process. Marcia, like so many mothers with complicated births, felt a knot of emotions – frustration with her body, guilt because she felt responsible, and sad that she couldn’t hold or nurse her baby right away like the books say to do. For someone who’s highly sensitive all those feelings were intensified. Marcia dealt with them the only way she knew how – she cried a lot, wrote about it, and eventually did some gentle yoga.

MARCIA: I think I, I grieved it for a long time.

LAUREL: From day one, it sounds like you were sacrificing, you know, you were yeah. You just jumped in, dove in.

MARCIA: Yeah. I mean, that's what you do. 

Right away the peaceful alone time she craved was gone as the new baby required almost constant attention. He needed to be nursed and held a lot. He also needed to be on oxygen for the first 12 weeks of his life, so they carried a tank with them wherever they went. Marcia was doing this on her own, as Jason had to work full time and family lived far away. On top of all this, she was on high alert for fear his heart would fail. But they survived those early months.

Then when Liam became a toddler she noticed he didn’t like clothing with tags.

MARCIA: We cut out all tags, but I didn't blink an eye at that because I was the same. The seams of socks would just, and the way shoes felt would create a meltdown.

When Liam was four, Marcia and Jason had another baby. It was another traumatic birth and long recovery. But the NICU nurse told Marcia her new daughter was a force of nature. 

LAUREL: And is she a force of nature?

MARCIA: Oh, totally. She's fierce and energetic. And, yeah, she's, she's mighty little thing.

They named her Lila, which means playful spirit or to expect the unexpected. 

They enrolled Liam in preschool but when Marcia went to drop him off, he had trouble saying goodbye. It’s often tough for kids the first day or two of school but for Liam it was everyday. Marcia would have baby Lila in a carrier strapped to her chest and take Liam by the hand to the classroom door. But when it was time for him to go into the classroom he would grab Marcia’s arm and refused to let go. 

MARCIA:  Like, no mom, please don't leave. Please don't leave. I just thought it was him adjusting, but, um, that's how I knew that, you know, he was just different. 

The teacher suggested the “peel off method,” where mom or dad gives a quick hug, says goodbye, then the teacher literally peels the kid off of the parent, as they walk away. 

MARCIA: I tried that and I saw his face through the window and him crying. I was like, oh my God, I can't do this. I went back in and I said, I'm sorry, I can't do this. This is not, this does not feel right to me. And I hugged him and I said, I am so sorry. I will never do that again. Hmm. And, um, and they were great. They said, ‘we wanna support you and Liam, however we can. So you do whatever you feel is best.’ And I said, ‘well, I guess I'll just stay then.’ So I would stay with Lela. And I said, well, what if I told we had special words? You know, like I had heard from a friend that a special word can help when you're transitioning to say, you know, I'm feeling okay now and you can go, um, his was like spider snake. I think that was our favorite one. And I said, how about you tell me when you're comfortable and when you feel ready to stay, it took a very long time. And for most days for probably the first half of the year, um, I would stay until Lila needed to be fed and have an nap. And I told Liam, he could stay or come home. And he said, I wanna go home. So we would leave together. And then eventually he said, I'm okay, mom, you can go. 

Things went more smoothly with drop off for a couple years. While Lila took a nap, Marcia could practice yoga or meditate and feel able to be a more present parent. But when Liam got to third grade it became evident he had separation anxiety. It didn’t help that the teacher had what Marcia called a “prickly personality.”

MARCIA: She yelled a lot and she had more of a punitive approach to keeping kids in line. Yeah. And I knew immediately, I was like, oh, if this is not gonna be a good fit, but I, in my head, this is me talking myself out of what I felt in my head. I was like, you don't know that maybe this is a really good experience. Maybe he's gonna handle it far better than you think. So just wait. Sure. And I did Uhhuh and it went crashing down pretty fast.

In the first few days of school Liam forgot to turn in a signed weekly progress report.

MARCIA:  I went to the teacher. I said, you know, I'm sorry, we didn't realize we were supposed to turn this in. And my husband threw it away. She's like, well, li that's Liam's responsibility. And, uh, and I said, it's the first week of school. It's we're, you know, this is not something we're used to, well, we can't have parents coming and saving their kids all the time. 

The teacher punished Liam by taking recess away. After that motivating Liam to go to school was like encouraging him to dive into a pool with a shark.

MARCIA: We would be doing okay in the morning. And then all of a sudden it'd be time to put shoes on and the shoes and the socks did not work and it would a meltdown would ensue. Um, so sometimes that would be for two hours. And then I try to get him to school because I'm doing all the things that I think I'm supposed to do to be a good parent. Um, and then he would come home and he would have meltdowns for two hours. Sometimes they were more intense and physical. 

Liam would have a meltdown over the slightest thing. As a highly sensitive person herself, Marcia needed breaks. She’d try to get out the door to take the dog for a walk or go teach a yoga class. And Jason would encourage her to have solo dates.

MARCIA: Trying to, to get out the door or me trying to go for a walk and then, um, and if it was really like, he was already in such a deep state. He was angry and upset and overwhelmed. I don't think he understood what was going on and why he felt so much big emotion. I'll just say they were intense. Okay. And physically draining for all of us. So like the next day I would feel Jason and I both would, all of us would feel like we had a hangover. 

Liam struggled with emotional and physical regulation.  Sometimes the meltdowns lasted as long as four hours.

MARCIA: I mean, nobody really knew that I wasn't telling anybody. … I was just like …And it was just because I was just, you know, I'm also highly sensitive and it took a lot for me just to keep my cool. Yeah. Some days I did some days I didn't. Um, and I would have meltdowns myself. At the time I felt like I was not doing mothering right. You know, like somehow I was messing it up, um, that my child was having such a hard time. And I didn't really tell people because you feel embarrassed and you don't even know how to verbalize what's happening…it was heartbreaking.

At the same time the school just brushed Marcia off.

MARCIA: I just felt so overwhelmed and lonely. I felt very isolated. Yeah. And Jason used to travel a lot then, and I thought, you know, here I am trying to teach a few classes a week and try to get my son to school. And my daughter who also was really sensitive and I was just felt like I was falling apart. 

Marcia finally found a therapist that could help.

MARCIA: I mean I felt desperate for help and answers. His anxiety was so much that he would like literally climb on me. He couldn't stop touching me, climbing on me, hiding on me, jumping on me. And I'm like trying to have a conversation while feeling like, okay, just stay calm. You know? And it's like, I'm feeling absolutely like, I'm about to explode, you know? And, uh, and she could see it and we just carried on and she's like, I think you have a really highly sensitive child, but it's more than that. 

She told Marcia that Liam had sensory processing disorder. It’s a condition where the brain has trouble receiving and responding to messages that come in through the senses. Certain sounds, sights, smells, textures, and tastes can create a feeling of sensory overload. Marcia found out people with sensory processing issues often don’t deal well with change. 

MARCIA: It felt like relief because all of a sudden it was like, um, it wasn't my fault and it wasn't his fault. And what I've learned over the years, I think, um, is that highly sensitive person, sensory processing disorder, even anxiety, I would say yeah comes down to a highly sensitive nervous system. 

The therapist recommended the book “Out-of-Sync Child” by Carol Stock Kranowitz. As Marcia was reading it she could better comprehend why Liam was anxious about starting a new grade at school. 

MARCIA: Most of it is just like having a lot of compassion for it being like a physically and emotionally painful thing that it's not just that you're sensitive. It's just like, it, it is actually painful, that helped me to be more patient and less reactive. It also made me realize where I was being reactive, like where I would get totally triggered. And I would start yelling, even though I didn't wanna do that, I would just feel so overwhelmed, um, that I would just yell too and that didn't help the situation. So it taught me like, okay, hang on a second. My energy is gonna be really important and how I respond instead of react is gonna make the difference. Whether we continue to devolve into a deeper, longer, harder, more intense meltdown or whether we can start to pull ourselves back up. Um, so that was a big learning curve. I think it taught me to start letting go of things. So what if he didn't change his clothes and he went to school in the same clothes the next day nobody's gonna die. 

Marcia learned that Sensory Processing Disorder is a bit like a hidden disability or hidden challenge. On the outside, the child looks and acts fine in public, but in the safety of home -- that child can fall apart and does. 

Marcia now had a better understanding of her son, but she also began to understand herself better, why accepting how her children came into the world with complications was so hard, and why leaving Liam at school was troubling for her as well. 

MARCIA: It's taught me how to start loving loving myself better, and nurturing my own needs in order to function in this world because this world is not an easy place for sensitive people…I think it's taught me a lot about self love and self-compassion.

She realized she needed alone time like she needed food or water to recharge. Once she shared this with Jason he encouraged her to take care of herself.

JASON: I’ve always known Marcia was sensitive. I didn't know to what extent. She hides it really well. If she didn't agree or didn’t want to do something she’d still do it because she wants to please people whether that's me or an employer. When I learned more about how sensitive she can be I encouraged her to follow those feelings because she does have a strong intuition or feelings about people. It’s kind of like a superpower to me.

Jason and Marcia decided to move to Tucson to be closer to family who could help and Jason could continue his cycling coaching business there. 

They enrolled Liam in fourth grade at a smaller school.

MARCIA: And I would stay and I was like, I'll stay, because this peel it off, push him away, walk away. Method does not work. …I would try to hide in the, a room where he couldn't see me, so he could get used to being in his classroom without me, right by him. and he would come in my head, hurts, my ears, hurt my stomach hurts and he would keep coming and finding me. And, uh, I was staying there literally all day, every day to the point where the kids asked me if I worked there <laugh> they're like, hi, miss. Hi, miss Tullous. Um, do you work here? And I was like, well, Hey, kind of, you know, and, uh, so, and after a while I remember one day it was just so hard to get us to school. Like just to even show up was major uphill climb. Mm. And, uh, we'd get there. And one day I was sitting in the back, I was trying to think, and I was like, feeling so stressed out and anxiety myself. And I was like, what are we doing? What am I doing? This makes zero sense. I was like, I can't, I don't think I can do this anymore.

That was a turning point for Marcia.

MARCIA: I was like, what is the most important thing? I just sat back there. And I was like, what is the most important thing? And I said that he's a happy, healthy human. I just want him to be happy and to feel good in his own skin and to be at ease. I was like, well, who cares about the grades? Who cares about the tests? I don't even care what grade he's in. 

That’s when Marcia and Jason decided to start homeschooling Liam because he was still struggling and Lila because she also turned out to be sensitive to lots of people and noise. 

JASON:  In some ways I feel like it was forced upon us. Neither one of us was prepared or thought about homeschooling… At the beginning I don't know if you'd call it denial. I just didn't understand it. My childhood was very different we just bulldozed through whatever problem there is or ‘if you don't do what I say there’s a belt on the other end of that.’ At first I didn't understand how you could have anxiety that great that you  couldn't walk through the door at school.

Initially Marcia felt good about the decision but change was hard for her too. They found a homeschooling group in Tucson was meeting at the park near their new home. So Marcia ushered the kids out the door to meet the families who would become part of her new support network.

MARCIA: I cried the entire time. Like I could not stop crying and I don't even know why I was crying. I, I just know that I was like, oh God, we're homeschooling. I don't know how to homeschool. And I wanted time for myself….Like what did I do wrong? Why can't my kids just go to school and have a good time? Uh, why is this all so hard?...

everybody was so sweet. They just let me cry. And I was, I felt so bad. I was like, what kind of an introduction is this? I can't even like, smile or say hello. I'm just in my own world and having to be here. And I feel like so vulnerable,

LAUREL: And I'm sure some of them could relate or understand.

MARCIA: In fact, fact, a lot of them could.

I think part of the grief in that moment was like realizing how much of a challenge this had been for basically since they were both born. It'd been challenging, um, not bad, not without beautiful, amazing, joyful moments, but challenging, um, in ways I never would've expected or could prepare for…I think the grief was about realizing how very tired I was. I was so tired and, um, I just wanted a minute for myself…You know, I just, I just wanted, because, um, you give a lot, they're really high need babies, most of them. And they were, and it was really high need kids. And if you're somebody like me who needs time, alone time in absolute silence, um, in order to recover and you never get that after a while you start falling apart at the seams. Yeah. And I think that that's where I was at. I was exhausted.

Marcia took on the majority of the homeschooling because Jason took on the bulk of the work that provided the family with a livable income. Some Instagram pages may romanticize homeschooling but Marcia says for her it was never easy. Still it sure beat the alternative meltdowns.  

Marcia and Jason started to let go of societal norms that told them how their life should be and that Lila and Liam had to go to school. 

MARCIA: I think it was hard for him to process what was going on and understand why he would get so upset over things or like wanting to go to bike practice, but then getting there and not being able to even get out of the car, the anxiety would be so bad. Like he literally could not do it. It took a lot of tries, um, uh, some days going some days not. And I would just, we would just not fight it. Um, because that, that never worked never, um, any kind of punitive approach discipline, like, well, you need to put 'em in the corner or give them a timeout. None of that worked. None of it. I don't care who you talk to, any person that has a child with sensory issues, anxiety, ADHD, ODD any of those things. None of that stuff works.

JASON: It's like paddling up a river. It takes a lot of effort and you typically don’t get far. It's better to float down the river and be ok with things changing otherwise it’s going to be a fight all the time.

Marcia still did not trust they were doing the right thing. One study of student-led learning found kids may not be getting key lessons needed to do well on standardized tests or college entrance exams. But the research also showed kids to be more passionate and eager about learning. 

For a long time Marcia felt like she had to over explain her decision to others. One day when she was teaching a public yoga class, someone asked about her kids.

MARCIA: And I was like, oh yeah, we homeschool. And I started going into my explain, like why we decided to home school and why we don't do things the traditional way we actually do unschooling, which is we, it is just child led learning. And then, um, after that, I'd done that this student in class, she says, you don't ever have to explain why you're homeschooling. You're doing a wonderful job. And it brought me to tears just before class. And I was like, oh my gosh, I have got to pull myself together because I wanted to really just walk out of the room in the bathroom and just start bawling because she was right. Why do I need to explain it? Who, who do I have to answer to? Or get approval from. Yeah. Why can't it be just okay that we're doing this because this is what works for us right now. Yeah. And, uh, she gave me permission and such a, a deep teaching and a love, and she didn't even know me. And she just said, oh honey, you don't ever have to explain yourself. You're doing an amazing job.

Gradually Marcia let go of what everyone else was saying. The critics – both real and the ones in her head. 

MARCIA: It's letting go of that social conditioning to some degree of how things are supposed to go and look and be. And, um, it took almost five years for me to like really be okay with the fact that we weren't doing anything related to school or looking like school. If Liam wanted to set himself a challenge of reading an entire Percy Jackson series within six days time. And he that's all he did from noon tonight. I mean from morning tonight, fine. If he wanted to read, read, if he wanted to go pick up bugs and look up reptiles and they wanted to do that fine, that's what we were gonna do. They wanted to make tortillas. That's what we were gonna do. 

Here’s a video of Liam finding desert wildlife on a hike.

VIDEO OF LIAM FINDING A SNAKE AND FROG

PAUSE

For a long time Marcia resented this sacrifice of her life and freedom she had made to homeschool. It was a weekend writing workshop that prompted her to think of sacrifice as a sacred choice rather than a forced situation. 

Marcia wrote: “ maybe there's always a give and take, or a trade off that takes place as you give up one thing for another? And that is just the way of it. Maybe the art of making a sacrifice sacred is changing my perspective of and relationship to what it means to sacrifice out of love instead of force or expectation? And therein lies the beauty and gift of seeing sacrifice as sacred: it’s a choice.” 

As Marcia learned how to help her highly sensitive child she discovered how to care for herself. The first step was speaking up and asking Jason for more help. 

MARCIA: It took me seven years. How to figure out how to fill myself back up. Yeah. And that was due in large part to my husband pushing me out the door for walks with the dog, by myself, for him saying, ‘you know, why don't I take the kids and you take Wednesday to do whatever you want.’ And it was things like restorative yoga that made me realize what I needed most was rest. Not more to do. So instead of giving myself the bare minimum, now I've learned that it's about the optimum. What do I need to give to myself in order to feel my best so that I can show up for my family and other people without any resentment?

In Tucson Marcia took Liam to other therapists who piled on more labels. They tried meds and for a year they helped. 

MARCIA: At first it did help. It gave everybody a break because he wasn't feeling so absolutely overwhelmed and outta control, but then after a while it didn't work anymore. And I was like, well, this is just gonna be like, upping the meds forever. And I decided I don't wanna do that.

Even though medicine works for a lot of people, Marcia couldn’t see how it would help Liam cope long term. She’s a firm believer in a holistic way of living. She says if one area of your life is out of balance it will cause other areas to be out of whack too. So for her it came down to a body, mind, heart, and spirit approach to living and healing. 

So Marcia and Jason decided to take a holistic approach starting with food. The whole family did an elimination diet and discovered a couple food allergies that weren’t helping Liam.

When Liam was 10 Jason started to take him to bike races all over the southwest where Jason was coaching athletes.

MARCIA: And that was really good for everyone because one, it gave Jason just one child to work with. And me just one child to work with Lela would stay with me. And, uh, it gave Liam a chance to go and just do whatever nobody questioned him. Um, he just fit right on in, and they just accepted him. And he, I think it was like the first time he felt like he belonged somewhere and he just had just gave him a great sense of confidence and, um, an opportunity to figure out who he was. 

Marcia says when Liam was around the other cyclists he was accepted just as he was, he could be himself and he needed that. 

Then Marcia says when Liam turned 13 something incredible happened: there was a major shift.

MARCIA: As he hit puberty. And it was almost like the reverse, you know, everybody talks about the teenage years being difficult, but it was the reverse childhood was difficult. And he is like the most delightful teen. I mean, he's not a perfect teen don't. I mean, he's still likes to lay around in his bed and be on his phone and, you know, typical teenager stuff, but he is really grounded and has a solid sense of himself. He knows who he is now. So I would say it's all paid off. And I think puberty allowed for those synapses in his brain and maybe his nervous system in general to mature. TKTKTRIM

He’s a guy who likes to read books, watch anime, and mountain bike.

Marcia remembers the day she and Lila met up with Jason and Liam at a professional bike race where Jason was coaching. She walked into the team tent and saw Liam.

MARCIA: And I just saw, he just went and sat there, like he was there all the time and he would hub it, you know, talk and hang out with all the pro cyclists that were part of that team. And like, they all, Hey, what's up Liam? You know? And he was just so part of the group, I mean, they didn't even know my name because I hardly ever went cuz I stayed home with Lela, but they knew Liam. And for me that was like, wow, he is part of the, the group part of the team mm-hmm and that was an absolute delight to see how comfortable he was. Yeah. And how much he loved it. Like he really loved going. Yeah. And I was like, well, this is just the best thing ever.

LAUREL: What has that, what has that been like for you to watch, Marcia, to see him come into his own?

MARCIA: Oh gosh. I, I would say it's, um, it's joyful to see him, um, maybe even feel like he belongs and, um, that he's not so weird or different. He's just sensitive and maybe that's the most wonderful thing in the world. You just want your kids to be happy to, um, to know who they are, uh, to feel safe, to feel loved and to know that their presence matters, you know, that's, that's all you want. Yeah. You don't, I don't care what grade he gets in Spanish. I don't care. Um, you know, what career he chooses, what I want is for him to be at home in his own body, in his own heart. And, um, to trust that he's got something good to give to the world, essentially. 

After five years of homeschooling – and resisting homeschooling – Marcia had finally embraced it. 

MARCIA: As soon as I did that, they came to me and said they wanted to go to regular school after being at home in a pandemic for the last two years. Like, I can't blame them. They're like, we wanna see other people other than you. I'm totally fine with that. But I was like, just as I'm like, all right, this is what we're doing. They're like, haha, we're gonna do a little switch up on you. We are, we wanna go to school. I was like really now during the pandemic yep. I was like, okay.

Today Liam’s enrolled in high school and Lila in her last year of elementary school. Marcia’s a little sad but ready to start the next chapter of her life. 

When she thinks back to Liam’s birth story, it makes so much sense today.

MARCIA: ​​I think the thing that comes to mind is his resiliency, you know, and his bounce back. I, I remember like when he first came out of surgery, uh, when he was finally waking up and I just remember his eyes being so bright … now that he's here, he's here.

And so is Marcia.

This is 2 Lives. I’m Laurel Morales.