How One Music Therapist Discovers The Healing Power Of Her Voice

You can learn more about Meghan Callaghan here.

TRANSCRIPT

Love Of Music

Meghan Callaghan’s love for music began before she was born.

I think my parents would say that it was in utero my mom took, she was taking piano lessons when she was pregnant with me. 

As a young child songs would just burst from her before she knew what was socially appropriate.

My dad tells a story of being in church on Christmas Eve and sitting on his lap. And this kind of is organ prelude coming on. And nobody, no one was supposed to sing. But, you know, I was three years old, and I just started singing the carol. And, you know, people in the rows in front of him and behind him all kind of turned around and looked.

This sweet memory could be brushed off as insignificant. But today we know it was the start of something quite powerful. It was at that moment little Meghan inadvertently shifted something inside her father at a time when he so desperately needed it.

I found out later on that he was going through a really stressful time at work and he felt it all just kind of dissipate in that moment. 

This is a story about the power of music to heal and how one woman discovered that power within herself. This is 2 Lives. I’m Laurel Morales.

Longing For Community

Meghan Callaghan’s parents immigrated from Brazil. Her dad was an engineer and her mom a teacher. Like so many first generation parents they worked hard to give their children a better life.

When we uproot like that and move to a new place, there is so much to regrow almost so much that it's like, it can't, It can't even be done in that first generation. 

They moved around a lot for her dad’s work as an engineer. The first seven years of Meghan’s life she lived in seven different houses.

So one thing I remember, or one thing that I've, that I've gathered about my childhood is that I, I never really got to see community connections over time, I didn't get to cultivate them. And I didn't really get to see, you know, my family, or my parents cultivating those.

There was a big age gap between Meghan and her three siblings.

 I remember, you know, feeling lonely sometimes. I think often in my life, I just felt alone and bored like I wanted more action happening close by. I wanted more richness and juiciness. 

One place where she felt that juiciness she so longed for was at camp. Every summer her family would pack up the car and drive to the Allegheny Mountains in Pennsylvania to go to family camp.

Driving in the car to camp was, like ritualized in my family, like the games, we'd play in the songs we'd sing in the car. 

It was a time when Meghan’s parents could shed the work stress and the grind of everyday duties back home and be present. It was also a time when they could connect with the best versions of other families they got to know over the years, people who came back every summer.

I think this was the first place that I really got a taste of being in community with people. I can remember sitting at the back of the dining hall, near the stone hearth, kids piled on top of one another, and our parents around and grandparents. And we would all sing the songs together. It was like, songs that everybody knew. And to me, they were like songs that came from time immemorial. It wasn't about performance, it was about the joy, the sheer joy and shared experience of singing.

On the last night every year the entire camp would sing the same song that was written by one of the staff members. It had become canonized in the camp culture.

We'd have our arms around one another. And it's such a feeling of timelessness and belonging, when I think of that song.  And I think it's been something that I've been trying to recreate and seek in my life ever since then.

MEGHAN SINGING: Many years and miles may come between us. There's a memory of a time that never ends. As the days drift slowly by, beneath the Pennsylvania sky, I'm singing at Deer Valley with my friend.

Drawn To Grief

Most five year olds are into Disney movies or books that have a happily ever after ending. Not Meghan. When she was five she wanted to be swept away by serious dramas that dealt with grief and loss.

My favorite movie was Steel Magnolias. And I loved like an American tale, like where Fievel loses his whole family. So there was something about the intensity of that feeling that really drew me in. It made me kind of feel alive. I recall a book, like a picture book that my mom read me about a little girl who loses her father. It was one of my favorite books. I wanted her to read it to me over and over again. And it was a book about grief.

Then later in her teenage years she’d put on her headphones and listen to songs about heartache and pain.

The part of me that really needed and was seeking the sacred feminine and did not find it at all in that, in that tradition. You know, it kind of that kind of, I was able to find that in the music I was listening to at that time, you know, yeah, like, I'd love to Tori Amos, Alanis Morissette, like Fiona Apple.

Discovering Her Calling

Every couple of years Meghan and her family would visit her grandfather, her mom’s dad, who lived out west. 

He had this lightheartedness to him, but he also kind of like had this fiery spirit, this kind of  scrappy energy to him. He really loved the wilderness too. He was a fly fisherman. And so whenever we would visit him, it was kind of this adventure. 

When Meghan was 15 he came to live with them in Florida. He stayed in her room, while Meghan moved in with her sister.

He was really deteriorating to the point where he needed my mom's care. He had prostate cancer and it ended up metastasizing to his bones. There was denial happening for him about his prognosis. He was still talking. He had use of his body. He wasn't getting up out of his chair anymore, but he could watch his shows and use his remote, and he was still sharp, cognitively.

On the day after Meghan finished her final exams sophomore year, her older sister was graduating from college. 

And they decided, ‘OK, we're just going to go to the graduation and Meg, you're going to stay home with Grandpa today.’ So my parents said, ‘OK, Just go in, check on him. He's got his TV. Give him some lunch. We'll be back tonight. And so they left. ‘

They took off at 8 in the morning. A couple hours passed before Meghan went in to check on him.

And I noticed that his like his body was kind of slumped over. And so I checked on him, like, ‘Grandpa, what's going on?’ And he wasn't responding to me verbally. So it was like this kind of sudden change in his demeanor and a change in his gross motor skills. So I kind of tried to meet his gaze. And I noticed that even his gaze was kind of gloss like glazed over. And I got really scared. I had no idea what was going on.

She called her parents immediately. This was early cell phone days so there was no texting. She tried several times. It just rang and rang. She didn’t call 911.

I think there was something in me that knew that calling a bunch of paramedics to come to the house to whisk my grandfather away to a hospital while I'm alone, and he'd be alone in a hospital was not a good idea. I could tell that he wasn't in a lot of distress. He wasn't making sounds like he was in pain or a lot of anguish, but something was very not right.

She was also frozen in fear.

Honestly, that was like my coping strategy. Yeah, kind of stunned and, and you know, that's maybe that's part of why I decided not to call. Like I didn't call 911. I didn't, like I didn't even go to a neighbor, you know. 

Meghan paced the house leaving his room and coming back. At some point she grabbed a keyboard from their computer and put it in front of him, hoping he could somehow type and communicate with her.

I was just trying to figure, like, find a way to connect to him. 

I remember initially when I came into the room, I was sitting on the bed further away from him. And then I think gradually, as I felt more comfort, I got closer to him and held his hand. I was just scared. And I didn't know what to do. And I felt guilty about leaving him alone. So then at some point, I decided just to go in and sit by him. And I just began to sing. 

MEGHAN SINGS: Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling from glen to glen and down the mountainside. The summer's gone and all the roses falling It's you, it's you, must go and I must bide But come ye back when summer's in the meadow. Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow, It's I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow. It's I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow. Danny boy, Danny boy, I love you so.

And I sat with him and I sang Danny Boy. Yeah, it was a song that he loved and I knew that he loved the song.

And as Meghan sang she noticed a shift in her grandfather’s expression.

It was like I saw the light in his eyes come back, like this kind of spark of life. And he gazed at me, like he was able to move his head and meet my eyes. And he even lifted his hands up and clapped. And I felt all that stress and all that fear and in the like my fear of him feeling worried about me being worried about him, you know, just like all kind of melt in that moment. I felt this full presence in the room too filling up this space that had previously been like filled with, filled with this discomfort and stress, but suddenly almost full of this, this sense of mercy. 

At the same time she discovered something about herself.

This knowing that what had just happened was really important, you know?  And that by comforting him in such a beautiful way, I completely comforted myself too.

There was a moment when I was in the room with him where I felt like, wow, this is a superpower. Music is a superpower and I can sing.

She stayed with him holding his hand and she continued to sing Over The Rainbow and just about every other song that came to mind. Hours passed. The sun was starting to set when her parents finally checked their messages and raced home, and at 5 o’clock came bursting through the door.

They rushed in. My mom obviously was just distraught, completely distraught. I probably stole away to my room. She stayed with him that night. She put him in bed. She decided to stay up with him all night. She called the hospice nurse and he he died that night. 

I do remember the next day being outside on the back porch and telling my mom, ‘I sang to grandpa yesterday. I sang him Danny Boy.’ And I remember her just being overcome with tears. I think it was the first time she really saw me in that. I felt seen by her. I felt seen with how significant the experience was for me. Yeah.

Music Therapy

It was around this time that Meghan was starting to think about college and what she might want to study. That following school year TRUE? She sat down with the counselor to discuss her options.

I remember a college counselor handing me two sheets of paper and one this was kind of the results of like whatever my questionnaire about what I was interested in. I had one that was biology and one that said music. Here are your choices and it had listed all of like all the different degrees you could get. And on the music sheet, it said music therapy. And I said, okay, you know, I have heard of this before. And I've just come from this experience where I had, you know, the most transcendent experience of my life.  

She’d been involved in choir for several years, performed in musicals and at church.

In our culture, music making is very oriented around performing. But it was the making music in community for the sheer enjoyment of it that I think really captured my heart. And then through this experience, the sense of offering music as a gift to heal, music as a way to come into deeper connection together. And that's what really got me excited about music. 

So Meghan decided to study music therapy at Florida State University. 

For those who aren’t familiar, music therapy is the clinical and evidence-based use of music interventions – whether listening or performing – to accomplish individual goals with a credentialed therapist. (from the American Music Therapy Association website)

Maybe if a music therapist is working with somebody with traumatic brain injury and is really honing in on developing or regaining some speech skills through music. Or a music therapist might work in a more recreational setting, like a dementia unit with a group of 20 people. And so in a setting like that, the music therapist is going to facilitate music interventions like interactive singing, like interactive instrument play, perhaps songwriting, movement to music, in order to support interaction, communication between the people in the group. 

The Power Of Music

After she graduated and started working as a music therapist she witnessed time and time again the power of music to heal.

Music bypasses the mind and goes right to the heart. Music goes right to the center of a feeling somebody might be having. And this is what I've seen time and time again, like when I'm in the hospice work that I do now, when I'm at the bedside with a patient and some family members. And what's so beautiful about it is that when the song continues and holds them in it, they don't have to, sorry, you know, and like, you know, hold it in or, or apologize for what they're feeling. They can just let it out. You know, it's like just a wave that can move up and crash and recede. 

Meghan recalls a time working with a family of a 14-year-old boy who had been living with chronic chromosomal disorder his entire life. When he went on hospice care a nurse referred him to music therapy. He had a tight-knit family with a lot of cousins and a sister. So Meghan suggested together they write a song for Toby. They sang it to him at his bedside in his final days and at his funeral.

MEGHAN SINGS TOBY’S SONG: Toby we love you for all that you are and Toby we love you you're a shining star and Toby we love you whether near or far. So we'll sing you this song. You are always in our hearts.

So the children in the family sang that song with him and with his mother and they all sang that at his funeral, you know, and it was this legacy… it was almost like a musical snapshot, you know, of this moment in time and of all a way to give voice to their love for him.

Community, At Last

As an adult Meghan moved around a bit before a boyfriend suggested a roadtrip to Flagstaff to visit some friends. At the time she was looking for a place to land. 

They've got a community choir and they have a Unitarian Church. So I feel like that's a good sign. And I got some part -time music therapy work that I found online. And so I said, ‘okay, I'll live here six months,’ and I'm still here now. 

That was 15 years ago. She joined that choir, and founded the Threshold Choir, which is called to sing at big transitions in life – at the birth of a child as well as the death of a loved one. 

I'd say the biggest way that music is life -giving for me is the way that I feel like I'm threading community together through music. 

She met her husband when they collaborated on leading an intergenerational music program at a senior living center. Years later, they formed a song circle with their Jewish community. At the first gathering more than 60 people showed up.

There was this moment where my son came out. He was playing with the kids in the back and he came out and there was a chair next to me and he sat next to me. And he was just joyously singing with everybody and singing in this language that's part of his lineage surrounded in joy. It was one of those moments as a parent where I just felt… so grateful for all these threads of my life, the feeling like they're all kind of weaving into this one moment and feeling so grateful that he's going to know that feeling in his bones.

There's this print of a Picasso painting that my husband has. It's this group of people who are encircled. And they're holding hands. And there's this fire in the center. And it looks like they're joyful. And they're dancing, and they're singing and there's a dove of peace in the sky, and there's a meadow with flowers and, and trees. We lived with this painting for so long and I realized, ‘oh, my gosh, that's what I've been trying to create in my life is the feeling that that painting encapsulates.’ 

LAUREL:  And do you feel like you have done that?

MEGHAN: Yeah, I feel like something is weaving together.

In case you were wondering, she takes her family back to that camp in Allegheny Mountains every summer, where they still sing the same song Meghan learned as a child.

MEGHAN SINGS: Many years and miles may come between us. There's a memory of a time that never ends. As the days drift slowly by, beneath the Pennsylvania sky, I'm singing at Deer Valley with my friend.

This is 2 Lives. I’m Laurel Morales.