At 53, Teacher Discovers She Has Dyslexia

You can learn more about Viki Stein and Evidence-Based Literacy Instruction here.

TRANSCRIPT

From a very early age Viki Stein says she had trouble understanding the world around her in Columbus, Georgia. 

If you look at pictures of me from when I was a little girl, I kind of have this little confused look on my face. And it's probably because I wasn't processing language. I couldn't hear language well. I couldn't understand language well. So I kind of spent a lot of time in my own head.

She was the baby of her family and was treated as such.

I assumed that role with my friends and with my family…I didn't really have much of a voice. People spoke for me literally when I was a toddler. 

Now as a mother and a teacher, she can look back and see the red flags.

I was late to develop. I was late to walk. I had chronic ear infections. I didn't hear a lot…

She had missed her milestones so her mom took her to a doctor.

And he dismissed everything. He said, she's fine. She's fine. Just have her sisters quit talking for her. Have her sisters quit carrying her around. When in fact, I had every red flag for dyslexia. My sister had dyslexia. My father had dyslexia. I was a late walker. I couldn't skip. I couldn't, you know, talk in full sentences. My mom was a really fast talker, very bright. I just couldn't receive all that language, so very frustrated a lot of the time because it was so many words coming at me and I couldn't process them fast enough. So it was just easier to go along and be dragged along in a loving kind of way. 

For decades Viki struggled. It wasn’t until two years ago, when she was 53, that Viki finally understood what was going on with her. This is a story about how that revelation changed everything. This is 2 Lives. I’m Laurel Morales.

Curiosity Crushed

As a child Viki Stein was insatiably curious. She loved to learn new things.

I was really, really inquisitive and I felt very loved. I asked tons of questions. I was the youngest of three and I heard because I said so or that's just the way it is a lot…It crushed a lot of my curiosity…I had lots and lots and lots of questions that I was always curious about and I felt like I never got a lot of answers, either because they weren't told to me or I couldn't process that information.

By second grade she began to notice other kids could do things she wasn’t able to do.

That shame started rolling in I started noticing … And you mix that up with being the youngest and assuming that kind of helpless behavior, and that is when my self-esteem kind of plummeted…there was a spelling test, and somebody near me whispered the answer to another child, and I heard it. And I didn't know how to spell the word either, but I remember thinking, I'm not going to cheat. I am not going to copy, even though I clearly heard the correct answer. And I think it was that day I decided, you know, I'd rather be a failure than a cheater because I wanted it to be authentic. I've always wanted to be authentic, even if that meant I needed to be a failure. I felt like that was something I could hold onto, my core, my soul, my spirit. I just wanted to be authentic, even if it meant I had to be dumb.

Viki was determined to learn. She remembers trying to teach herself to read at the kitchen table.

And it was a little, you know, three-letter words, like pig or dog or something. I just could not break the code. I couldn't break the code. And I had a mom that read to me every single night. She did all the right things. She spoke in a high level vocabulary. She read the rhyming books and the Dr. Seuss books and she read, read, read. I just thought I was dumb. I really thought I was stupid. And I had this negative chatter, this loop that just rolled in my head constantly about how much I didn't really matter. I didn't really have a lot to say. I didn't have anything to offer.

In the 1970s special education was just finding its foothold in the United States. And it was set up for kids who had been diagnosed with a disability. And Viki flew under the radar.

I know there were whispers. And I remember my mom, you know, throughout the years saying that she had to go to the school and beg them to keep me there. Well, that's humiliating in itself, right?

School Struggles

She worked hard to understand each lesson.

I kind of felt like a hamster on a wheel. It didn't matter how hard I worked. I could not make an impact with my own learning. I couldn't harness my own learning.

She says her brain worked like a funnel.

… with a wide mouth and a very narrow straw on the other end. So lots of stuff would get clogged. So stuff would not make it into my mind. It wasn't like I was a foreign language. It was like, I have a visual of just tons of letters just pushing through, making no sense at all.

When Viki was in the sixth grade she remembers one day the teacher announced they’d be having exams the following day.

I just thought it meant we were having more of those standardized bubbling tests. So I didn't prepare…and I'm certain I probably failed all those exams. So I just was clueless on so many levels. I needed a framework for what was happening in my life. I needed a framework on a day-to-day basis. Like, here's the big picture, and these are the pieces. I felt like I spent most of my life with pieces floating in my head.

The following year was especially rough. Her parents divorced. At the same time her two sisters had left home for college, so Viki’s mom moved the two of them into a small condo.

My parents, you know, separated. My two sisters were gone. One of them was studying abroad. I now was living in a different home. Had a little bit of social drama. My friends...and I had kind of gone separate ways. And seventh grade was very lonely. Very, very lonely. I had an English teacher that was really annoyed by my level of incompetence. And I just felt like it didn't matter what I did. She had no patience for me… So seventh grade was really rough because the rigor had really turned up. I didn't have the ability to process the oral language. I could read, but I couldn't process the language on the page. 

She says each day felt like climbing a mountain.

VIKI: I want you to imagine you've got 50 pounds on your back and you're trying to run up a mountain. You just can't get to the top. But every single day I'd show up at the bottom of that mountain with those 50 pounds on me and I just couldn't make it. But I never quit. But you can imagine the sense of relief I felt when I figured out how to take that backpack off and get up that mountain.

LAUREL: That does sound really lonely and hard.

VIKI: It was lonely and hard and a lot of change. And I felt really abandoned. I had a lot of abandonment issues that I've kind of had to deal with these last couple years because I felt like everybody got out except me. But when I got older and I realized what I was feeling and I could put a name to it…I understood nobody left me, it's just how the journey progressed. was part of my learning, part of their path. And I think when you can put a name on something, you can wrangle with it a little differently.

One College

In high school the struggle continued. Viki stayed after class frequently to get help from the math teacher.

And she would sit and work with me and I would have to transcribe all of the words she was saying onto paper. I didn't understand why I had to do that, but I couldn't hold onto the language. So she was saying all the steps for the math problems, but in order for me to grasp that, I had to harness the language. I had to hold onto the language, take it home, and then follow the steps. So I worked really, really hard in this teacher's class. 

Finally graduation day arrived, and Viki was amazed.

I was so relieved on so many levels, right? I was graduating high school. I had an opportunity to go to college. had an opportunity to be on my own. I had an opportunity to leave home, a place at that point which was sad, right? It was just my mom and I…So I was ready to go. 20:10 So as I'm lining up for the procession for high school, I remember looking up and saying, I cannot believe I made it. And over my shoulder I heard, I can't believe it either, coming from my math teacher and that really almost drained the pure joy out of the moment.

LAUREL: I'm so sorry that she said that. It sounds like it was damaging those words.

VIKI: If they were damaging, Laurel. I was so damaged at that point. I don't think anyone could have said anything or done anything to me that would have made me feel worse. I already kind of felt like dirt. I had very low expectations, and I think people had low expectations of me. 

She went to the University of Alabama – the only college that accepted her with the stipulation that she’d pass summer school. But Viki looked at college as a clean slate.

I had a work ethic. I was going to continue to work hard. So I did feel like it was a fresh start. I made fast friends with the brightest kids in my class. I would study with them. I would work hard. I would go see my professors…I just was so tired of being embarrassed of who I was and the shame I felt.

Desire To Teach

She had to work twice as hard as everyone else because it took her twice as long to comprehend the information. But she graduated in four years with a degree in education. She wanted to help other kids like her.

I always loved kids. I loved working with kids. I was a camp counselor. You know, I'd like to help kids, you know, at Sunday school…I loved learning so much, when there was a little nugget that I had, I always wanted to share it with somebody…But really I think it was divine intervention. Divine intervention put me on this path to become a teacher.

LAUREL: Why do you think because of the way you struggled, you wanted to help kids that also struggled?

VIKI: Absolutely. I mean, absolutely. Once I started studying to be a teacher, I loved it. …I was a senior in college doing my student teaching and I was writing something on the board and it was a fourth grade teacher in Tuscaloosa and she was a lovely human being. I wrote the word capital as in capital letter, but I spelled it with an O, as in like the capital. And she so kindly and respectfully, you know, redirected me in the right direction and explained why that spelling was incorrect. And I remember thinking, ‘wow, if somebody would have talked to me like that or looked me in the eye or had that kind of patience with me, one little nugget.’ And I remember that…I was determined to make sure no one went down the path I went down. And I would, I'd always start my open house and tell parents, if your child doesn't learn to read, it is not their fault. 

In 1995 she became reacquainted with Eric, a young man she’d met in high school.

When we first got married, I think he was really surprised to hear a lot of my negative self-talk come out. ‘I'm stupid. I'm not very good at that.’ And I remember one day he looked at me and he said, ‘why do you talk about yourself like that?’ Well, I did a really great job of hiding how not smart I was …Because even though I maybe wasn't as smart as I wanted to be, I could be a really good mom. I could keep a really clean house. I could make a really good meal. I could do everything in my capacity that I could excel at I did really well. So in his eyes, everything was great. 

In 2010 she became a tutor and for 12 years she used a multisensory phonics approach to help kids with dyslexia and other reading difficulties.

I was tutoring kids here in Atlanta with dyslexia with success, but I wasn't successful with all my students because I didn't have all the tools I needed.

In 2022 she caught COVID. Isolated in her room for two weeks she decided to catch up on her reading and listened to the book “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield.

And I just was totally obsessed. I thought, my God, this is the greatest book ever, because the number one principle is take responsibility for who you are… So one of the things they propose in this book was to write your life's purpose. And I thought, life's purpose? What is my life's purpose? I have no idea what my life's purpose is, but you know, I had two weeks in that COVID room, so I had time to think. So after a few days, I realized, you know what my life's purpose is? My life purpose is going to be to help others unpack their inner genius. And I'm going to do it with love in a peaceful way. And I typed it up and I hung it in my office and it is still there to this day. 

Teacher Becomes The Student 

Around this time she received a phone call from a woman named Holly who had been homeschooling her daughter. She asked if Viki would tutor her daughter who was diagnosed with dyslexia.

And I said, well, actually, I'm supposed to talk to another family today. And I really owe them this phone call. And she said, please, I beg you, please, please, tutor my daughter. And I said, OK…Now this kiddo could repeat every single rule. She looked like a good reader. She should have been a good reader, but things were not knitting together for her. So Holly and I kind of co-taught, if you will. Holly would come to every lesson, which was twice a week. She'd sit in my office and she would observe me teach.

Her daughter made great progress, got accepted into a private school and no longer needed Viki’s help. So since they’d ended their professional relationship, Holly and Viki became friends.

Holly told Viki about a method of teaching she’d just discovered called EBLI, which stands for Evidence Based Learning Instruction.

And she said, Vicki, I'm really seeing some things knit together that we couldn't make happen.

Viki was intrigued so looked into it and decided to train in this method too.

And after I started using it and getting some traction, I decided to get the nerve up to call Holly and ask her … first of all to confess to her that I did not know grammar rules. And I asked her with my tail between my legs and a heavy heart, ‘Holly, could you please tutor me in grammar? I said, I want to learn this.’ 

Holly agreed. The roles reversed. The teacher became the student.

And at this point I still didn't know I had a language disorder. But she would start talking and I would say, Holly, that's too many words. And I would tell Holly how I wanted her to teach me. ‘Holly, I want you to explain this to me this way because I didn't have the information.’ I knew how I needed to be taught, but I didn't have the content. So she would feed me the content. And I remember one day, she had given me a sentence to diagram and we were working on it and it hit me like a flood. And with tears in my eyes, I looked up with her and I said, ‘oh my goodness, I'm dyslexic. I'm not dumb.’ For the first time in my life, I felt such a sense of relief because I could put a name on it.

Holly continued to tutor Viki until she no longer needed her help and they remain friends to this day.

LAUREL: And how old were you when that happened?

VIKI: That was two years ago, I was 53 years old.

LAUREL: And what was it like to have that mystery solved for you?

VIKI: Well, after that day, there were lots of tears. I called Holly, I don't know, probably at least five times after that day, crying in tears, apologizing. ‘I'm so sorry I tutored your daughter. I am so sorry I took the job. I'm sorry that you hired someone that wasn't very smart.’ Just tears and tears and tears of just the shame I felt for being a teacher who was dyslexic. And Holly would say to me, ‘I'm gonna let you say everything you need to say and you can continue to cry. I hired you because of the teacher you are. You did a great job with my daughter, but until you feel differently I will continue to listen to you.’

The more she learned how to rewire her brain the more things clicked into place.

And about six months later, I noticed that I was able to follow oral conversations more. Like I could attend and pay attention to it. And I didn't feel like all the letters were rushing right to me and I couldn't process them… I was starting to hear lyrics within music that I had never heard before, I was able to read something and it actually landed in my brain. And I used to pray and visualize that I would visualize myself reading, having the words pour into my brain and out my mouth and out my hands. Because what I wanted so badly was to take the language off the page, process it, and be able to express it either orally or through writing and I started noticing I was able to do that. For the first time in my life, I could read something and I could write about it.

LAUREL: You mentioned you felt all this shame two years ago when you found out. Have you been able to let go of that?

VIKI: I have totally let go of all of it. I feel so free because I can learn anything I want to learn. My lights are turned on. I can access whatever knowledge I want to access.  I feel like I've gotten my life back and I want people to know I am not an anomaly at all. There is no bar on learning. I don't care what people have been told. And I don't care who has told people this. I don't care if it's the teacher or the principal or the psychologist or the doctor. There is no bar on learning. We know how the human brain learns to read. We know how to wire up that language center. And if you wire up that language center, there's no way you won't learn to read.

Rewiring Her Brain

Viki says she became obsessed with figuring out what was going on in her brain. She came across a YouTube video with Jeannine Herron, one of the founders of Head Start, who explained when you teach reading using speech – the student segments the sounds instead of spelling the letters –  and it activates the language center in the brain.

So I always had the wiring in my brain. But no one had ever switched my lights on. But once I started accessing those sounds when I was teaching my students, I was saying the sounds, I was saying as I was writing, I was reading and comprehending with my students, what I realized was I was rewiring my language brain. So for me, my lights came on the more and more I taught my students…It was like being set free. And I feel like it's been a gift for me because I know what it feels like as a student.

LAUREL:I'm wondering if learning that you had a language processing disorder has changed the way you teach.

VIKI: Yes, it's made me be more diagnostic as a tutor. I feel like I have control. I understand the process, how the brain learns to read. And I'm way more sensitive when I'm watching my students and certain nuances that they're displaying. And I'm able to catch those and inquire about them and remediate them.

Married, Two Kids

Viki looks back on her life with a new perspective. She and Eric have two daughters who are now in college.

And from day one, I was going to make sure they had no experience like me.

First week my daughter was home I set her up in the corner, I started playing school with her, I read to her, I don't know how many times a day. I was gonna do every single thing in my power to make sure my daughters did not have a life that looked like mine. I taught that child to read before she went to kindergarten.

LAUREL: I'm curious as a parent, if you were more protective of your kids …like in terms of like, parent teacher night, making like looking out for the teachers that your kids had.

VIKI: Laurel, you know I did. You know I did. I was gonna make sure my child had the best teacher. I was up at that school. I made fast friends with the principals and the other teachers. I was always volunteering. I was actually volunteering not as a parent but as a tutor as soon as my youngest went back to kindergarten…it was probably not easy being my child because everything I was doing was to make sure they did not end up like me.

LAUREL: Anything else you'd like to add?

VIKI: I would encourage people to listen to their gut. If your gut is telling you that your kiddo is not learning well in school and the teacher is assuring you, he's young, just wait, please listen to your gut. I would like to add that I searched my entire life for something that would set me free, that would give me the ability to harness my own learning. And EBLI did that for me.. And if we would start with the little kiddos, we could circumvent a lot of trauma. Talk about being vulnerable, right? Adults with dyslexia don't like to be vulnerable because you're already not very good at a lot of things. So to expose yourself like that can be really difficult. But I wanted to be smart more than anything in the world. If you would have asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have said smart. I remember watching the Melanie Griffith movie with Don Johnson when I was in high school …and she was not very smart. And for some reason, she hired a tutor to teach her so she could keep up with her husband ... And the tutor was able to teach her and all of a sudden she went from this dumb girl to this bright woman, and I used to just long for the someone, the anyone who could teach me and who could reach me the way that tutor reached her in that movie. Little did I know that I would be that person that would save myself. I had no idea the person I'd been searching for was the person that I was going to become one day.

This is 2 Lives. I’m Laurel Morales.